Trashy pop, radical sincerity?

Though I've never kept up with FOX's debut season of Glee outside catching some of the performance scenes, I've been tracking its vast popularity & have heard of commitment to the show from some unlikely followers. I stopped in for last week's "Journey to Regionals," in which the famous bad-band's biggest hits are medleyed in a climactic season finale performance. In realizing that Glee is clearly the only institution (save roller rinks & 8th grade formals?) giving the exact kind of curious reverie to Journey, I thought it would be important to introduce the topic to this blog, as there's an obvious roke-like question underpinning the show's appeal. The greatest karaoke kids are easily closeted show choir admirers, but rarely former members. And it's the same self-consciousness that occurs with bad TV when the characters speak in that show that you contend with as when you enter the karaoke room. But it's usually a quick journey until you give over & the bad song turns good.

This overthought Salon.com piece says to perhaps aggrandize the indulgence, "The difference between adequate escapist fluff and transcendent popular art is the difference between the moments where Glee characters talk and the moments when they sing.". A lot of words returning us to a replayed note, that there's a draw to pure singing over pretense on art that's tough to deny.

-G

Mistranslations: Like beautiful weeds in field of bad lyrics

Today, my co-rokers, 3 great museum educators with 3 extra dollars to spend on a 3:30-4:30 p.m. rainy-day roke, cued up that terribly strained ballad that had Steven Tyler ending verses with rooster call sounds in the theme to the film Armaggeddon. The song if you're pretending you don't know it, is I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing, & the "thing" is a reference to the remainder of Liv Tyler's life that will be missed by Bruce Willis, the geologist-driller turned astronaut dad who dies in martyrdom saving us from the impending asteroid threat. Luckily, she gets concurrently Afflecked by true love.

The lyrics are as atrocious as you'd expect, & the only thing that could make them a little better to guffaw at while the whiny Aerosmith mimicry is pouring out of a wonderful friend is the appearance of a few great English language mistakes made by the Karaoke Lyric Transcriber (a job that ought to not even exist for obvious reasons). See below excerpts of the strangely incorrect way that I.D.W.M.a.T. lyrics read on the screen today at Karaoke Shout in Astoria.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I TRACTION

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The SWEET STREAM will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's SMEAL you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever...

...I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna HOLD YOUR CLOTHES
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the RESTTIME...

-G

Live & direct Brooklyn-based karaoke

As two south Brooklynites, V & G have often lamented that a quick roke fix always calls for a subway ride into Manhattan. But luckily the calling is usually far stronger than the strain of the subway ride & the destination is always a familiar pleather sectional couch. The only time that The Creators of EO have ever roked in Brooklyn to date was on a stage in the lobby of the Brooklyn Museum, as a part of last February's free First Saturday event. The true anonymous audience live roke hits the self-conscious places that private room experience only toys with, & often returns us to the big wrong questions of who is a real or worthy performer/musician. That said, it's an inevitable curiosity for a frequent roker who has fortified some personal style, which is how we found ourselves chasing words to Since You Been Gone on a screen under bright lights & opposite Eastern Parkway for random Brooklyn families & thankfully a first row filled with our favorite cheerleading friends. We weren't entirely comfortable with the experience, & felt like the Brooklyn bro who rocked an amazing rendition ofShout with a roving performance through the aisles of the folding chairs made us & several singers in the surrounding lineup feel duly sheepish. But the sheer singing & local factor felt appropriate & fun, & something we said we'd repeat with the right variables.

Last week Brooklyn Based published some great preliminary research work for EO's perhaps forthcoming frontier. This wonderful week-round karaoke calendar lists live DJ (or KJ) as well as actually live instrument roke spots - forums that could equally be the apex or beside the point of your personal karaoke career. Depending on the place & crowd, there could be a case for pure audience time & singalong at these events. Stay tuned as EO drags some friends & giggles through some nerves to try out a few of these locations. The Williamsburg spots on the list don't necessarily favor for proximity over our old seated strongholds in Manhattan, but it's quite a well-compiled list that we hope will touch some of our followers.

Thanks Karen A. for the tip to the list.

Happy Birthday Valerie!!! ..and Marcelo.

A dedication! There are only four words in this song & today, insert the name of the greatest friend & karaoke queen, dear Val. Unfortunately the only YouTube video I could find to illustrate this dubs the name "Marcelo" into the fill-in-the-blank portion in a very off pitch, so be sure to sing real loud right there. P.S. Why did someone make this video for Marcelo & did he appreciate it.

Let the choir sing: Boyspeak megamixes Madonna

A great artist & friend of Empty Orchestra will be stealthly operating under generic pop sensation handle "BoySpeak" for edited epics of pop songs amalgamating all the best-worst YouTube covers into one continuous performance. Today BoySpeak gives us Like A Prayer which as we've already discussed is in the top list of borrowed & butchered & celebrated songs by roke patrons. Not far behind are Internet special snowflake performers not limited to do-rag hillbilly, depressed diva, bro jam session, untuned guitar posse. !eNJoY THiS! megamix, & try not to let some of these amazingly self-unaware rising stars in front of the webcam deter you from showcasing your own talent behind the mic.

Follow BoySpeak on Twitter!

Achievement-roke!

Val's middle school students are 1000% roketastic!!! Best use of recess ever!!!!

Congrats Val on being a great roke model to these young minds, hearts, & voices.

Love-to-hate lyrics

Often our first time having to come to terms with what a song is actually describing or espousing or ineffectively rhyming through the tragedies of the English language is in a forum like roke. Here's a great list of lyrically challenged pop melodies, often of the radio overplay variety, Love the song, hate the lyrics from the Onion AV Club, my favorite team of pop crit geeks.

-G

Winnie's Wins Best of / Blame that Tune, notes from The Post

Empty Orchestra tends to focus on brothel-style rokehouse experiences, but really applauds establishments like Winnie's, Village Voice's 2009 Best Karaoke House, though we'll say that there is none exactly like this one. The queen of dives nestled on Bayard street, Winnie herself is the crusty karaoke auntie who sternly administrates your roke selections by having you wait out the two-drink minimum in your dingy booth until she calls you up and sets in the laser disc (with the two handed requisite) & dials in your paper written selections onto the old-school box big screen. If the book says that a certain call number was I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston, but what actually comes up on the screen is All The Man That I (Ever) Need - Whitney Houston, you can expect Winnie to hand you the mic anyway with a look that reads, "Tough." You sing for the two friends you brought & the often older Chinese uncle-ish regulars, & it ends up being the best impromptu awkward happy hour. The weekends at Winnie's are less sketchy rogue karaoke style, as unfortunately nothing this great can be kept secret for Saturday Manhattan folk.

Today's New York Post calls out folks just like us who over-consider roke stylings with no heed to performer potential in a great fluff feature with !quotes from Winnie! & other roke waitstaffs on what they call "scary-oke." Here's the great superlatives list in the article that is all too familiar to a roke veteran:

"The song that makes people think they can sing really well (when they can’t): Proud Mary by Tina Turner
The song that makes people think they can dance really well (when they can’t): Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot
The song that makes people order more drinks: Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations — U2 Karaoke
The song that’s best to express a secret crush: Summer Nights from “Grease”
The song that clears the place out: All By Myself by Celine Dion
The song that brings the bar to a complete standstill: Any girl who can sing Alone by Heart really well"

Catch the full story here, Blame That Tune, which also offers up a few names of roke spots that EO is yet to explore...!!

Thanks Matt S. for passing this link.

-G

This is not what we encourage.

I recently learned about the cringe-worthy phenomenon of chatroulette, & yes this is impossible to listen to as well as watch so beware. Here's how our favorite activity takes strange shape in a sloppy dude with a web cam. Who is this ridiculous person, who are his parents, what are his hopes & goals. Make sure you keep your eyes on the cheerleading chat text.

This particular human behavior trainwreck brought to me by Karen A.
-G

90's Sing Along: Part Deux

Neither of us will be in attendance nor have we ever attended these events, but enjoyed the lyric-heavy publicity for this & sounds like an Empty Orchestra endorse-able happening. Located up in the other Brooklyn: The 90's Sing Along: Part Deux. Do comment if you have been or will be attending.

GUEST MIC: Karaoke: A Brief Introspective

by Matteo Dredd, another historic member of Val's Japan 'roking crew

To the academic, karaoke is an interesting concept, since it functions as a socio-cultural phenomenon of significant depth. First, it is a cultural hybrid; while that term is losing its usefulness after fifteen years of well-intentioned (mis)appropriation, it still aptly presents, in my opinion, the métissage of traditions – performance of song, music and dance – which describes a typical karaoke experience. Second, karaoke is often a social event; as this blog shows, the group dynamics involved in it are complex and engaging. Third, karaoke proposes new notions of aesthetics, by intermixing what had been previously designated ‘high’ and ‘low’ culture, it challenges established narratives pertaining to each form, presenting them in potentially subversive relationships to one another.

My own experience of karaoke began and ended – with one exception – in Japan, where karaoke is an established cultural tradition. For our group, karaoke was most often an evening pursuit. Without wishing to incite the field-note approach of full-blown ethnography, I recall: entering through swishing, automated doors; the obligatory (and largely genuine) irrashaimasse; engaging with the hosts while organising a room at the front desk, appropriating free soft drinks on the way to the booths; imbibing the ‘quality’ of the particular room, which ranged from basic to ultra (post)modern; selecting songs from the Japanese and foreign song directories; belting these out as required; dancing; adjusting (messing with) the lighting, sound and TVs; ordering drinks, snacks and desserts through the ubiquitous intercom system.

I genuinely enjoyed karaoke, and it added a dimension to my musical identity which has proven beneficial in my professional musical life. Initially, the musician in me did baulk at the concept; the aesthete within shivered at the prospect of ‘the great unwashed’ circumventing years of practice and training, by unashamedly and unpreparedly taking it to the stage. However, I learned not to judge: the inclusive nature of karaoke is its big draw, and while it is a judicious leveller in some respects, I think it reinforces, rather than challenges, what one already knew about co-participants’ musical abilities!

Anyone with some time on their hands might try helping out the wikipedia ‘roke page, which is highly informative, but in need of some structural work. Scholastically-oriented minds could have a look at ‘Using Karaoke in the Classroom’ by Wagner and Brick (Music Educators Journal, Vol. 79, No. 7 (Mar., 1993), pp. 44-46); or Karaoke around the World: Global Technology, Local Singing by Toru Mitsui and Shuhei Hosokawa. Let’s enjoying; and as one might read in Japan: to sing with friends, all my wonderful life, a best wish!

Coentric powers of roke

Thanks Karen for the referral to this illustrative cultural diagram.

Karaoke is bad for you

APRIL FOOLS!!

In addition to roking, one of my annual hobbies is to tell lukewarm white lies on this April 1st day for mild shock value. Today I received an email that roped this very blog into a potential prank, but to counter a pleasant R&B roke-able tune from Main Ingredient by way of Aaron Neville, [not] Everybody Plays the Fool. Thanks Dana Colleen Peterson for your valiant attempt to get a mention on this blog. The woman is in addition to the most gullible genius of our time, the most prized roker of 99 Luftballons in der Welt.

Enjoy this, happy fools.

-G

Can't Get You Outta My Head

There's a surefire sign that you are burgeoning or recovering roker: There's a song you can't get outta your head, you're lipsyncing the words while your stuck at your desk, switching your shoulders in rhythm to lyrics you half-remember, but the tune & bass beat is in your blood. For regular rokers who live in New York without pop radio repeats in the car, these songs usually get in our head from an overheard neighboring tween on the train, a passing commercial for an MTV award show or adolescent dramedy on the CW or Disney, & last but not least our most frequented bodegas or supermarkets. I was thrilled to find that the Bravo supermarket in Astoria near where I work has a veritable master roke set list playing as their grocery score. Each time I run over there for an identical cheese sandwich on a Portuguese roll that prices unpredictably from $1.75-$3.50, the one thing I can count on is that I will get a chance to dose on something rokeworthy from Beyonce to Crowded House, & there have been two recent fortuitous times when I was at the checkout aisle with co-workers while Rhianna's Please Don't Stop the Music knowingly nodded us out the door.

From now on, when you feel the song start to stick, whether it's something you "like," or would endorse as part of your regular publicly shared oeuvre, don't resist. Write it down & maybe even casually pre-search it's roke number in the online directories for your favorite songhouse. It's like a swimmer's ear subtly nagging with a drop of inspiration that may develop into a serious roke infection. Don't leave it locked in your heart...

-G

Karaoke Therapy in Hiroshima

When I lived in Japan, my visit to Hiroshima was one of the most horrific and humbling experiences of my life. My friends and I were immediately struck by how well-planned the city was. The memorial peace park was expansive, beautiful, and green, three extremely rare qualities in a country that covers its 1/5 of non-mountainous land with as much concrete as possible. I felt sick thinking this place is gorgeous because it was wiped clean not so long ago, and people gave some careful thought on how to rebuild it.

After hours of soaking in the tragedy inside the museum - from the life size diorama of skin melting off of mothers to the narratives of drinking black rain to survive, we ventured through the sculpted green lawns sprinkled with bronze statues of people hugging in desperation, an eternal flame, and strings of colorful and delicate paper cranes swaying gently in the breeze. Despite the beauty and overwhelming symbol of peace, I still felt like a hollow shell that could not be filled. I thought, what should I do? Cry? Go back to the hotel and sit alone all night, too depressed to go outside?

Then, karaoke happened. We went into the downtown shopping area and discovered a Hello Kitty themed-karaoke place. It was perfect. The gift shop (Yes, it had a gift shop) had towels, stationery, and dolls of Hello Kitty rocking the mike. Our room had a giant mural of Hello Kitties dressed as other animals - the bull was my favorite. The window in the door was shaped like a Hello Kitty head. All of the emotion I needed to let out flowed from song to song and by the end of the night I realized the purpose of the trip: I am so God damn lucky and happy to be alive.

-V

GUEST MIC: Karaoke Mistakes [No. 1]

by Patrick S., historic co-roker of Val in Japan & employee of Nintendo.

Karaoke is an art form, and art is the pursuit of perfection within a framework of accepted limitations. Van Gogh could but rail against the definition of his brush-strokes. Beethoven was limited to the range of melody accepted by the human ear. So, too, will your karaoke sessions rub up against the inevitable wall that defines all artists.

I propose to reflect on my own mistakes, that you might learn from them and achieve something close to karaoke perfection. Some might call this effort noble. I merely wish to stand amongst you brave ‘rokers and say: “I sang. I drank. I passed the mic, and I entered the numbers. And I never looked back.”

Karaoke Mistake No. 1: “Nice Chorus, Shame About the Verse”

Beware of songs that you think you know, but really you know as well as the next club- or bar-goer. These are the numbers on the playing of which, everyone rushes to fill the dance floor or, or everyone chimes in on at a bar, but really, no one knows any lyrics except for the chorus. Especially after the few drinks that are standard in a karaoke situation.

Examples:

Nirvana. We all want to think that we know and/or like this band. The reality is that most of their songs involve droning towards a chorus of indifferent lyrical fidelity that sounded better when the late Kurt Cobain mumbled it into a studio mic in early ‘90s Seattle. Leave Nirvana alone, and your karaoke box will attain something closer to said Buddhist ideal.

Oasis. Chances are that anyone reading this is not English. If you are English, please make sure that your musical dignity can survive an on-record session of Oasis singing. If you are not English, please do not even attempt these songs. Whatever charming lower-class depth was achieved by the brothers Gallagher will be lost on you, child of Uncle Sam.

Sir Mixalot’s “Baby Got Back”. This is a prime example of a song that really has no viable chorus. If you haven’t memorized the lyrics (screens are no help when the pace is as fast as rap) and timing of this song, you will fail spectacularly. It doesn’t matter how hard your cohorts laughed when you proclaimed, bold as brass, that you do in fact “like big butts”, without word of a lie.

There are many more individual song examples that are pure chorus, with verses mumbled or otherwise bluffed by karaoke-goers the world over. Feel free to contribute a comment commemorating your own disasters! For my part, I will say that Michael Jackson is a performer worthy of all due admiration, particularly post-mortem, and I have nothing but the greatest of respect for his ability to actually reach the chorus of his own songs with some semblance of dignity remaining.

Next time on Karaoke Mistakes: the unnerving phenomenon of “Too Long; Didn’t Finish”.

No choice your voice will take you there

Like A Prayer, Madonna, 1988.

The ultimate 'roke song, for reasons not limited to & actually somewhat beside its merits as an ultimate pop song. I would like to live in a world where this song replaces "Happy Birthday" when sung to the most top quality human beings. The universally known Madonna-ness & gospel qualities of this song make the finale group sing experience natural & joyful & commemorative every time. For best results, honor the beginning with a poised pass the mic & intro into "feels... like.... HOme." Let the chorus simmer for which ever core singers are feeling it, don't jump the gun on echoes like "I'll! take-you-theh!-ere," add desperate prayer-like dramatics to accompany the verses that mention God, & own the lyric mishaps that happen around the "muse-to-me" line. By the end, it's not unlike a band of shameless angels sighing in unison, as you see here.

This video features Val & several other core roke partners in a typical finale in Room 13 at Duet 48 during visit of her friend Danielle. Out-of-town guests are generally great roke company & can awaken us to the rare gift of private room roke houses in NYC. Notice that the lyric screen & the mics are mere accessories here. What results at this point is an awkward-glorious share circle of private enjoyment. Clapping, closing affections, half-thought out dance moves, use of alcoholic beverage as faux-mic, two leaning mouths on one mic - all typical.

Finale from Danielle Ashby on Vimeo.

-G

Singing Moments of gold / Flashes of light

Here is an example of a standard, lyrics-only 'roke screen, for an ideal symphonious anthem, It's All Coming Back to Me Now by French-Canadian overexpressive diva, Mlle Celine Dion. Dion is the perfect artist to cue up to unveil some crowd guilty lyric knowledge, & her verses repeat & retard in a way that you pretend you only join because you can't beat.

Chartbusters is a logo you'll come to know & love, with the serious tagline "We Keep America Singing" scrolling over a staff of white on blue. The fluorescent low-fi graphic video palette is key to the accessible 'roke mood. A rival 'roke company called Sunfly features an animated bee/fly leaning backwards to demonstrate the no-holds-barred singathon attitude. Occasionally a track will assign your performance a random score, usually a number between screens from 86-99 that appears - but don't worry to our extensive knowledge, this is a completely arbitrarily derived statistic of your lyric-to-tune output. These machines are not sophisticated video games & there will never be a dog laughing at your misfires a la Duck Hunt or any other potential threats to your self-esteem.

Watch the Dion video & note some loosely useful facts on the intro screen (eg. 4 bar intro, in the key of, in the style of) that is for most humans like us who have no idea about music usually time used to make sure the mic is in the hands of the person who cued it up. You'll know immediately if you've picked a crowd pleaser, but there are also major rewards & Cinderella stories of an unknown song brought to life by soul & commitment so don't lose hope if you don't get a strong opening response. See here the four dots that fade in meter to prepare you to dive in to the "Therewerenightswhenthewind was SO. cold..." Just TRY listening to this video with the sostenuto piano pedal & backup echo of "foh-reh-vah," & the rising tambourine without joining in on a lyric or 100. YOU CAN'T. If this song married that Meatloaf one with the chandelier video they might birth The Most Epic Roke Song Of All Time. Ok, but back to instructions: should be self evident. Let your voice glide over the words as they peel away & love every minute of it. We'll get to other screen forms & song examples as we blog on.

-G

Kara-rookie, Beginner tips from Val

So many people are uncomfortable at the idea of 'roking. I used to be, but now it's tough to remember exactly why. A guy told me recently one of his friends found something in his coat pocket and commented, "Oh this is embarrassing." He nervously replied, "Is it a condom?" Nope. It was a karaoke point card from Duet 48.

I've figured out how most people have eased into being okay with the vulnerability of singing in front of others:

1. Go to a Japanese-style karaoke place where they have private rooms for just you and your gang. It's like renting a livingroom for a few hours complete with a nice TV, sound system, couches, coffee tables, and a phone on the wall to order drinks to the room. We'll publish more extensive reviews of our most commonly accessed four tops: Duet 35, Duet 48, Karaoke 1-7, & Sing Sing.

2. Go with friends who you know will not seriously judge you - mild teasing is OK & encouraged.

3. Sing along with the group songs commonly entered such as Don't Stop Believin', Bohemian Rhapsody, and Like a Prayer. More on these rookie group songs & their benefits & aggravances later.

4. Have a couple of drinks, but not too many.

5. Sing a duet with someone & act mostly as backup or participate in chorus.

By the end of the night, you'll be rocking your own solos and realizing this is the singing-in-the-car substitute you've been looking for ever since you left college and sold your mom's old Honda to move to NYC. Oh yeah, and it's a dance party too.

-V

Roke on

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song."
-Maya Angelou, on the subject of karaoke, not civil rights.
~
Think back to before you trained yourself to bob gently and hum quietly with your paper thin iPod to the precious bands on your censored Facebook favorites lists. When you lived in a town with three identical mainstream pop stations that scored your trips to the drugstore with the click of the blinker keeping your tempo to an indulgent Top 40 belt out. When you joined the grade school choir even though you had to plug one ear to drown the two all-stars who could harmonize, because that embarrassing syncopation styling you wanted to try copying from a pop star could get covered up in the crowd. You didn't worship the nuances of Bob Dylan's timbre, & you didn't need Rock Band or the kids from Glee or American Idol audition outtakes to pose as guilty pleasures to remind you that good-bad songs & bad-good singing belong to everyone.

Chances are you had a favorite song before you had your first tooth. Watch awkward loving families with their infants & a pop song. There's beautiful proof that singing & dancing are innately & universally fun, & the rest is learned. There are professionals & raw talented virtuosos performing as chefs, lawyers, authors...but you don't cook for your family, argue with your boss, write emails to your friends self-consciously concerned with rivaling those craftspeople. Tonedeaf, shy, low on iTunes, clueless on lyrics, re-living the glory of your lost high school musical theatre days, afraid to impersonate, inclined to yell, bad mood, too drunk, not drunk enough - we've heard you all say you "can't sing" [well]. It doesn't change the fact that deep down you want to, & therefore you should. We (Valerie & Gayathri) most unabashedly, enthusiastically, & hyper-frequently do. Made possible by New York City & the several institutions that house this non-art form of karaoke, that we affectionately call 'roke. This blog is about the benefits, pitfalls, triumphs, lessons of those experiences. We hope you enjoy what we have to impart.

Welcome to Empty Orchestra. We'll leave the mic on for you.